Thursday, April 19, 2012

Where's the sisterly love?

I've really been struggling lately with the comments made by people I know, love, and admire. If you haven't heard the latest about Hilary Rosen and Ann Romney, let me sum it up for you: Hilary said Ann hasn't worked a day in her life (and Ann is a stay-at-home mom of five boys who has had a lot of health struggles).

In short, I think it's wrong that politics have become so combatative. It makes me sick, actually.

Now to get to the long: because my groups of friends, family, and acquaintances on Facebook are people I have things in common with (work, religion, motherhood, place of residence, etc.), I often make the mistake that they think like me. This issue forced me (yet again) to realize this is often not the truth.

I was really hurt by some of the comments made by these people I (again!) know, love, and admire. Suddenly, I was back to everything I hate about hanging out with groups of women--petty comments about other women. Why is being a stay-at-home mom vs a working-outside-the-home mom always the dividing line? Am I really that different from you because I work full-time outside my home? Do you really feel the need to justify your choices by attacking me for making different ones?

Here's what I know:
--How much I long for more time with my kids.
--How I wish my life was as structured and kid-successful as yours appears to be.
--How I wish I just had more time PERIOD--work sucks off 60 hours each week, yet I'm still supposed to be able to do all the things you do.
--How I wish you weren't so defensive about it so we could talk about how each other feels, so we could buoy each other up instead of always having that divide.
--How I wish you knew how much I value my time (or lack thereof) outside of work as my family time, so I can't make it to all the fun activities you get to--and how envious that makes me at times.
--How hard I work--going to my job doesn't mean I just sit there aimlessly and come home refreshed. I am exhausted, just like you are, and I come home to eager little people who haven't seen me all day. I'm ON 24/7, the same as you.
--Yes, I choose (BIG word there that opens a BIG can of worms) to work full-time but you choose to stay home, and sometimes I really wish I actually felt like I had that choice. Yeah, I might still choose to work, but I would love to have the luxury (just as you might love to have that luxury) to choose. Please don't act like I chose it because I couldn't or didn't want to take care of my kids full-time.

We are not that different, so please don't belittle the choices I have made and continue to make in order to take care of my family. I love them and want to do what's right for them, just as you do. And, yes, I'm very grateful to have a great job--but I've worked hard and studied hard in order to have this great job so that I can help care for my family.

Why can't we just care for and strengthen one another instead of tearing each other down? Please stop widening the divide between us. I'm pretty confident that we all want the same ultimate end goal--happy and confident children who can go out and make their mark in the world.

1 comment:

  1. Hey Lisa. It has been so long since we've seen you guys. I'm missing the Hawaii sun. . . I hadn't checked my blogs for a long time, and decided to look today. This post was very well-written, and I'm sorry that people have made you feel this way. It is an all too common tale among women, especially in the church. I don't know why we just can't be nicer to each other. I'm so out of the loop, and I hadn't heard about the Ann Romney thing, so I googled it, and watched her interview about it. I agree with you about the whole political bashing. I tend to stay out of it, because it just makes me sick to my stomach. I just want the election to be over, so I don't have to hear about all the negativity. That's also why I don't watch the news. :) You are a GREAT mom, you have TERRIFIC kids! And, they are that way because of their wonderful parents. I have always admired you for your courage, confidence, humor, and Faith, just to name a few. And, although your hubby doesn't say much, he never fails to share with us your accomplishments. He is proud of you, and we are too. Hope to see you soon.

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